Just Look At The Facts And Stats Of This Season (Shocking Reading)

As a Newcastle supporter and blogger I could so easily start writing another essay about how dog awful our season is and explain to you how non-existent our tactics are, why Pardew's insufferable excuses make me want to scream, or that why not investing in the team in the summer was a major mistake etc. But I wont, not yet anyway. With a third of the season gone I will just stick to facts and look upon our club objectively. Leaving my opinion out of it. (for now).

  • If Newcastle lose at Stoke on Wednesday they will have the same amount of points after as many games as the season they got relegated. 14 after 14.
  • We have scored 4 less goals than at the same stage in our relegation season. 13 now, 17 then. 
  • Newcastle have won one game out of the last eight. Which was via Papiss Cisse's backside vs WBA. Otherwise it would be 1 in 12.
  • Newcastle are the only team to have yet to score from a set piece this season.
  • Newcastle have scored once in the last 240 corners. The last coming over a year ago in October 2011.
  • Newcastle have scored from 2 headers this season. However, one of which was Demba Ba's handball v Reading. Take this one away and they have the joint lowest in the Premier League.
  • Since Alan Pardew joined Newcastle 2 years ago, they are yet to win any Premier League game after going behind.
  • Newcastle statistically average the most long balls per game, have played the most long balls overall and have the highest percentage of long balls played within total number of passes. EPL Index
  • Newcastle have kept just one clean sheet in the league thus far.
  • Newcastle have not managed to score more than 2 goals in a PL game since beating Stoke 3-0 on April 21st.
  • Since Alan Pardew signed his 8 year contract Newcastle have won 6 out of 24 points. Only bottom club QPR have picked up less in same period.
  • Newcastle have played the 3 promoted teams this season and have failed to win any of them. Losing 2.
  • Newcastle have made an average of 7.5 changes to their Europa league team to the one that played in the Premier League.
  • Newcastle have not lined up in the 4-3-3 system with Ba LW, Cisse CF & Ben Arfa RW once this season which helped them go on a 6 game winning streak at the end of last season.
  • Out of the recognised starting XI. Only Cabaye, Ben Arfa & Steven Taylor are officially injured.

Basically what the above demonstrates is the following. 

  1. Injuries are not to blame for Newcastle's failing season as they have had the majority of their first team players to choose from all season. No team has a fully fit XI every single week. Not even the teams Newcastle have lost to. Swansea were missing key defenders Taylor (LB) and Chico (CB) for example in the 2-1 home loss. 
  2. The Europa League is not to blame for the failing league season, as Pardew makes at least 7 changes for every game. 10 in total in some cases. A lack of one training session midweek does not justify the performance levels.
  3. The set pieces are non-existent. But what is most infuriating is the lack of change. Pardew and the team still insist on the 'kick it towards Willo to head back across goal' with every free kick. Where as the corners are just a waste of time. No movement whatsoever. Inexcusable. 
  4. The best system and line up is not being used. Pardew has insisted with 4-4-2 all season and blatantly refuses to play the correct formation every man and his dog would otherwise use. With absolutey no explanation and blatant denial.
  5. The team just kick it long. Not because they have the players that suit this style, but through cowardice. They are too afraid to pass the ball and instead resort to the English default mode of 'hoof it'.
  6. Newcastle are in relegation form. When you consider they have Stoke away, Fulham away, Man City, Man Utd away & Arsenal away in 5 of their remaining 7 games of 2012. They will most likely be in the relegation zone come the start of 2013.

Now for my opinion: 

What's most baffling and incredibly scary about the situation Newcastle find themselves in, is that the manager ultimately responsible for this epic failing, is locked into an 8 year contract. So he couldn't be relieved of his duties even if the club wanted to. It's sheer and utter madness. We all know it would happen eventually and sure enough Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias strike again!

These two clowns are ultimately accountable for what this football club is going through at the minute. They failed to bring in the players that were needed to not only improve the team but to compete in Europe as well. We all know we needed reinforcements. The needed players were there and willing to join. Debuchy and Douglas practically booked their own flights to Newcastle airport. However, MA an DL failed to bring them in, even with the very affordable £12 million that would have seen them sign. Disgraceful.

Along with this lack of investment they decided to unnecessarily lock the manager into an unsackable contract that has every Toon fan hoping has clauses in it to sack the manager if need be without huge costs. Pardew had 4 years left on his 5 and a half year deal so his situation didn't need extending. If it ain't broke don't fix it. What this 8 year deal has brought, in my opinion, is complacency. Pardew has the licence to do whatever he likes, whether it fails or not, safe in the knowledge that his position will never be jeopardy. A positive man would embrace this with confidence and use it as room to attack and try things, knowing the club back him. A negative man would look at this with contempt and abuse it with complacency, knowing the club cant sack him. Where a Kevin Keegan with his 10 year deal is the former, an Alan Pardew with his 8 year deal is definitely the latter.

He has lost the hunger. He has lost the edge. He has lost the determination to prove why he was given the job unexpectedly in the first place. He now has an attitude of contempt. Resting on his laurels from the success he had last year and his LMA award. Pardew is a man who automatically thinks negative. He has shown that since he arrived. This 'what if' negativity has been passed onto the players. No longer does he line the team up in a 4-3-3 system with the philosophy to out play the opposition. He instead lines the team up in a 4-4-2 system with no philosophy whatsoever and resorts to cowardly kicking the ball up the field. The deflecting excuses he uses to cover up the actual problems, that he himself has created, are not helping. All they do is prolong the agony. Until he changes back into the man of last year, this situation will only get worse.

Alan Pardew is also Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias' perfect puppet. A man that can conjure up an excuse, no matter how illogical or nonsensical, to cover up the actual problems and reality of the situation. When Mike Ashley or Derek Llambias refuse to speak publicly, they send out puppet Pardew to do it for them. The last thing Ash and Derek want is for a manager to question them and bang on their door looking for answers. When Ash and DL failed in this summer's window did Pardew rightfully complain? No. He claimed it was a successful transfer window. Why? Because we held on to our players. These words were merely a PR stunt. NUFC failed in this summer's window. The two crony's let down their puppet.

This is exactly the kind of propaganda Ash and Derek want spewed out to the gormless fans (in their eyes). They know no matter what the club says, a large proportion of fans will automatically accept it. No matter how ridiculous it is. Giving any manager an 8 year contract is a classic example. The club say it brings stability, most fans have accepted it and even agree. It's nonsense. If you want stability, then don't sack the manager. It's thats simple. You don't need to give him an unsackable contract. If you don't want to sack him, then don't. Unfortunately most football fans in general are just sheep. Sheep that follow their team no matter what without complaint. They will follow blindly into the abyss and attack anyone who suggests otherwise.

I am not a sheep. I will speak out as much as I can until something changes. Do I have any influence over whether a change will come? Not likely. Should that stop me speaking out? Not in the slightest. This football club under this leadership of silent owner, incompetent chairman and puppet manager will drag itself back into the depths that preceded relegation in 2009. Let's not forget it was this administration that took us there. Are we financially better off? Yes, undoubtedly. Are we in a much better place as a football team ie in Europe? Yes, undoubtedly. Was last season a one off and will be wrecked instantaneously to nothing but a memory rather than a platform to build? Yes, undoubtedly.

Last season was great. We had some cracking results and scored some unbelievable goals. I suggest you buy the DVD of the season review because it will be the last season you will see of it's kind under this administration. This season has been dreadful and is only going to get worse. European qualification to the knockout rounds will only mask over the deep cracks for a little while. Until we are inevitably knocked out in a round or two. Pardew has an abysmal record in the domestic cups at this club and nothing suggest's this season will be any different. We're already out the League Cup first time of asking.

Our league season is already a write off in late November. There is no chance of finishing in the top 6. The only 'achievement' we can gain from the league this year is to avoid relegation. Our only chance of qualifying for Europe again and building on last season's achievement comes in the shape of winning a trophy or at least getting to the final. Only a remarkable lucky draw throughout the FA Cup could achieve this. The odds of us avoiding a quality opponent at some stage in Europe is almost impossible. We can't even beat Reading or Southampton. We will not beat Atletico Madrid or Napoli.

Whether you whole-heartedly agree or stubbornly disagree. This season is proving that Alan Pardew is not the right man to take this football club to the next level. In fact, he is taking us back down to the level we were before we gained promotion back to the Premier League. No result, performance, stat, fact, team selection, set piece, laughable excuse suggests otherwise. If this were a simple case of not matching last season's impressive achievements, than that would be acceptable. Not ideal but nothing to panic over. But it isn't. It's beyond that, way beyond. Three defeats in a row with the fixtures we have to come until the end of the year, suggests that when we're all singing Auld Lang Syne, Newcastle United will be in the relegation zone.

As long as Ashley and Llambias are still here to make their inconceivable mistakes, like giving a man with no previous achievement as a manager an 8 year contract based on one season and just so he can continue to be their perfect puppet of propaganda, then I will forever speak out. I don't know if it is acceptable again yet to start the 'Ashley Out' chants, but if anyone wants to start, you have my full support.

Last season was good. I hope you all enjoyed it. I know I did. Remember it well because it will be the last season to be proud of for a while. Maybe even for 8 years. Are you prepared to wait that long?

The day I sit silently in my seat when the bus driver is heading straight over a cliff, is the day I deserve to die. Even if he has stopped for ice cream on the way.

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano


  1. relax guy,plenty of time to sort it out.not saying we will like,but still,plenty of time yet.we have not had a settled team all season,sometimes pards fault but mostly not.though he is not showing any leadership or managerial nous at the moment i agree,he needs to shake it up a bit and i think he will.the 8yr deal was a joke and still is,but if he needs removed with us looking like going down then ashley will do it to protect his investment,that 8 yr deal will have more holes in it than tupac shakur...gauranteed.ashley out would be nice and we would all rejoice.but sacking pards isnt the answer,coz any new man would be in same position as pards,hamstrung by the board.lets see what happens in january,hopefully we strengthen.pards has took his eye off the ball and he even admitted once that it was his own arrogance that had cost him at his other clubs.maybe its happening again,maybe not.i love ba but think we would be better off with ust him or cisse.i think we will lose demba in january,maybe we will be more fluent then,maybe not.its par for the course here at nufc!!! HWTL

  2. I am relaxed. People always say to me this contract will have clauses and holes in it. But this is all guesswork and assumptions. Ask yourself, would Pardew sign a contract that would leave him in a weak position when he had 4 years left on his other one? Why would he?

    1. I reckon Ashley's given him a contract so that when he sells in the summer whoever buys the club will have to pay Pardew a fortune to sack him. Maybe that's wishful thinking.

    2. Possibly. I'd take that though. Once Ashley is gone, then onlt then can this club truly reach it's potential.

  3. Again I am very glad you have written this essay because my English is too poor to do it. I agree your conclusions. Our stats are absolutely devastating however for everyone who watched our games it is no surprise. The way we play is terrible and I can't understand it because pre season matches didn't look so bad. We played much more on the ground and I thought it can be very good season for us. What happend ? To Anonymous. Do you really think it is plenty of time ? I remember we thought it in our relegation season. We thought we can't be relegated because we have Colo , Jonas , Joey , Nolan , Owen , Oba and Viduka. In Poland we use to say :"We woke up with hand in a potty". Great team spirit was our great power last season. We were real team , very player was responsible for each other. It is hard to see it today. We play bad not only as a team. It is easy to see , that most of our players are in poor form individually. For everyone who loves NU this is very, very frustrating time

    1. Well someone has to. ; D

      True, no surprise whatsoever. I've been seeing this dip in form a mile away. People keep saying, 'well we finished 5th last season, what's wrong with you'. Well even last season we didn't have many out ans out solid impressive performances. We relied on getting a clean sheet then one of our 'flair' players win us the game with individual brilliance. Once those miracle goals dry up, this form is inevitable if you then start conceding every game.

      Newcaslte are famously a momentum club. We gotrelegated that season due to the tide being against us and not being able to shift it. Those players were good enough to get us out of it, but we didn't have the management in place to do it. Pardew for me, is incapable of turning bad situations around. He couldn't do it at West Ham or Charlton. He has yet to win a game for us when we have gone behind.

      Not looking good.

    2. agree with you there about pards seemingly incapable of turning things around in a match.all we seem to do is swap wingers to the other side now and again.like i said in my first 'relax guy' post,i think he can turn it around IF we can strengthen a bit january and IF he can take his blinkers off and realise the way he is setting us up is not working at all.on the 8yr deal i see what your saying about pards agreeing to something that will leave him vulnerable,but also can you see mike ashley,with him being so tight on nufc financialy,leaving himself open to being vulnerable also? i think the reality will be somewhere inbetween,with performance related clauses inserted.but mike will hold all the aces.ashley will be desperate to keep us in the pl with all the money set to come flooding in next season,its THE season to remain in the league this year for the money men.what gets to me is the failure by the board not to strengthen in the summer.we have wasted one of the greatest chances a team of our standing can get last summer of really pushing on and that tells me that ashley didnt gamble,he just didnt give a shit about us pushing on really,all he wants it seems is for us to stay in the league and have the springboard for his sports direct empire.ironicaly now he needs to spend even more than he would of had to in the summer!! the day fat fredward sold up to him was and continues to be one of the worst days in our history.on the team for stoke i really hope we see anita pushed a bit further forward like 2nd half on sunday.he looked like he was finaly settling in nicely.but then he was subbed!?!?! i can totaly see and understand the frustration at pardews decision making.maybe he just isnt up to it? im not sure.something has died in that team lately,not talking formation or tactics here but the fight and spirit we had.we have NO leader on the pitch,they all look like they dont care atm.we miss the nolans,bartons,david batty,killer kilcline type of player just now.

  4. Some other managers aren't all high maintenance and would probably happily swap what they are working with to come to toon and work with Cabaye, Benny, Colo, Santon, Tiote, Krul, Ba, Cisse, Anita etc. Only Willo and Simmo are not fit for purpose.

    I'd love to see a Martinez or similar come and do what they can with our players or closer to home , the one and only Beardo.

    1. You're absolutely spot on thier Nick. How any manager, never mind one who is used to working with average players at average clubs, can complain at the quality he has to choose from just because a couple of injuries is a joke.

      This is without doubt the best squad Pardew has ever worked with, and will ever work with, yet he has managed to find an excuse of not having players available and needing to strengthen in January. It's incredible.

      I've not known a more negative manager at NUFC in all my life. Fat Sam wasn't rhis bad. Even Souness recognised he had the best squad he had ever worked with...but then still blamed injuries.

      The fact we are missing few players now and again mean we aren't in 4th place. Fair enough. But to be hovering over the relegation zone is absolutely ridiculous. Unacceptable.

      I personally would be on the phone to Laurent Blanc. He's after a job. Love Cabaye. He knows how good Benny is. He will get all the french speaking players on board immediately. He will be a big draw to recruit more Frenchies. Plus he has a philosophy of 4-3-3. Perfect.

  5. I've always thought maybe a team with so many continental players
    would thrive under a continental manaager.

    laurenc Blanc is quite an honourable guy though and not sure I could see him working with a seedy individual like llambias. Would love it though, but sadly reconciling myself to the fact we won't get a good manager till ashley leaves.
    Apparently Ambani tried to buy us 3 times and we were the preferred choice of the guys who eventually bought city so not looking good

    1. Dont get me wrong, a manager like Blanc is way over our expectations with Ashley in charge. It wont happen, but its what I would do personally..if I won the Euro millions a couple times.

      Don't say that. Depressing. ; D

  6. I would gladly punch you in the face if I saw you as you're exactly the type of fan we don't need.

    We finished 5th last season, we've had a bad run and you're straight on the club/Alan Pardew/Mike Ashley's back? Go back to whatever hole you came from you stupid cunt

    1. Nice. Stay anonymous when you say that won't you big boy?

      Actually fans like me is exactly what a club needs when things are going very badly. Especially when the reasons for it are being covered up with lies and excuses.

      Fans like me recognise what possibly is going on at the club and offer possible solutions to the problems. Otherwise we would all be blind sheep like you following blindly into the abyss.

      When I am at a match I have never booed, or left early, once in my life. No matter what is happening on the pitch. I support the team. I do not support this regime however. This club will be around long after MA, DL and AP with me, and you, supporting it.

      Keep smiling. ; D

  7. I haven't read the other comments, but love the(depressing) stats. Sarcastically of course. I sadly agree with most apart from your thought/s. I believe last season we mixed up 4-3-3 (my preference by a mile) with 4-4-2 (still like the formation; but not now with our team.) to success. Demba and Cisse together up front work like a chalk and cheese curry. Doesn't.

    I am fully for the team and equally against those that boo at the end. If you don't like it, shut up and do one.

    On the Toon!