Tuesday, 15 July 2014

DONE DEALS: Emmanuel Rivière to Newcastle for €8m, Janmaat Passes Medical

It has been confirmed from very credible source Get French Football (@GFN_France on Twitter) that the deal for Monaco striker Emmanuel Riviere has been agreed and he is on his way to St James Park for a fee of €8million. He follows in the footsteps of Feyenoord full back Daryl Janmaat who has this evening passed his medical after NUFC paid £5million for his services.

Finally after waiting what seems like a lifetime Newcastle Utd are not only spending money in the summer
transfer window but they are doing it early giving the new signings a full preseason as well as a longer time getting to know there new surroundings and team mates before the live on Sky Super Sunday match against champions Man City get's under way.

Maybe some common sense and logic has finally landed at St James' after years of baffling transfer activity which has done nothing but harm the club rather than help it. 5 players 'over the line' now with Riviere to come shortly is fantastic work from the club and gives Newcastle fans something to shout about and look forward to next season. We have already seen Siem De Jong smash one in the top corner on his debut and the new season can't come quickly enough.

Well....not until a few more are through the door first!

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano 

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Micah Richards To Join Newcastle, As Debuchy Set For Arsenal Move

It's pretty much guaranteed now that Matheiu Debuchy will follow his best mate Yohan Cabaye out the NUFC door as he is all set to join Arsenal as Bacary Sagna's replacement. When the French full back signs for the North London club, the man he replaces will push out another right back from his new club Man City in the shape of forgotten man Micah Richards. If the men in charge of transfer dealings at our club have any brains about them we will move heaven and earth to make Richards our next right back for the next few years.

This merry go round of Premier League right backs seems totally logical and meets all parties involved
perfectly. Sagna gets to win the trophies he craves, Debuchy gets to the Champions League football he 'misses' and Micah Richards will gain much needed guaranteed first team football at a big Premier League club. The only thing that could throw this three pronged transfer movement into jeapordy would be the misguided logic of one Mike Ashley.

I am sure he will have his price for Debuchy and unless he demands a ridiculous amount of money he should get it, however even if he does, this still doesn't stop him being the tight fisted low life we all know he is when we go in for Richards. Man City can't possibly require a big fee seeing as he is totally surplus to requirements however if this is above what Ashley wants to pay then it can still throw a spanner in the works. You just need to look at how we got Debuchy in to see what he is capable of.

Instead of meeting Debuchy's valuation in the summer of 2012 he decided to wait until January as his price dropped to that of an acceptable amount for Ashley to part with. This of course may seem logical but seeing as we had to make do with Danny Simpson for half of the season, who eventually left for nothing, in which our Premier League campaign was a total write this strategy did not pay off beyond any stretch of the imagination. Saving a few million is not always the answer in the bigger picture.

The other and most likely issue would be Richards wages. He is on top dollar at Citeh, as you would imagine, so will have to take a significant pay cut to join us. Whether he is willing to do this in general terms you would like to think so, whether he would do it for the sake of joining our mob is another question. For me he won't get a much better offer than to make the right back spot his own at St James Park as any 'bigger' club will no doubt have a hot competition for places. Moving abroad wouldn't suit his style in my eyes either so we are a good place to go being where he is in his career right now.

Plus his desires at becoming a recognised centre back could be the key to the deal as we could offer him that, perhaps not straight away, but definitely in the future. I can't see any of the big boys a) buying him then b) playing him in the heart of their defence. Where as we will need a replacement for Colo one day sooner rather than later and he could finally reach his potential he showed not just for City but for England also. You couldn't think about taking him out of the England team, albeit at right back, a few years ago. He still has his best years ahead of him.

Debuchy out looks a certainty after the World Cup and I can't say I am remotely bothered by this whatsoever. I have never seen such a petulant player in the black and white for a long time. He has to foul people to make it look like he is doing something, he just can't help himself. The thought of winning the ball back fairly if he loses it just isn't in his brain. Foul, kick and sometime blatantly abuse are the only things in his head when it easily flips. Whether this is in the penalty area or not also seems totally void of his logic. His very short time on Tyneside won't exactly be fondly remembered for years to come.

To be honest Arsenal are welcome to him. If this is through making a profit in the process, at least doubling our money, then where do we sign? Out of three clubs i've got to say that Newcastle would be the winners out of the situation as after watching Debuchy for a year or so and Sagna over the past few years, I can't say they blow me away. Richards is younger and has the potential to improve in the future, where the other two are nearing the latter stages of their career.

Debuchy out, Richards In. Deal.

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Amazing Free Transfer XI Available To Tight Mike Ashley This Summer

There have been players released from all 20 Premier League clubs from last season and it makes interesting reading to say the least. Below is a possible XI you could have if you were to not spend a penny in transfers and sell off your current team to pay for all signing on and agent fees. Now I admit this team would be a) Old and b) High in wages. However we don't spend any money and we have made shed loads from last season.

Would this NUFC squad made up of free transfers get us to the top 10 finish 'target' next season?

Costel Pantilimon

Liam Ridgewell
Rio Ferdinand
Joleon Lescott
Ashley Cole

Gareth Barry
Frank Lampard
Steve Sidwell

Samuel Etoo
Shola Ameobi (Get him back)
Demba Ba

Subs: Mark Schwarzer, Jon Arne Riise, Mahamoud Diarra, Matthew Etherington, Joe Cole, Nathan Delfuenso, Nicklas Bendtner

Manager: Michael Laudrup

This is a squad (and manager) that could all be brought in for a transfer fee of zero and be lined up for the first game of next season. Judging by the diabolical end to last season, if Ashley wants a fire sale he could do.

Follow on Twitter @ToonBano

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

New Newcastle Kit For Any Season, Any Era, CampoRetro Bernabeu

Campo Retro Bernabeu 'NUFC' Shirt

Calling all Toon Fans and budding footballers. I've recently got my hands on the Campo retro 'Newcastle Style' football shirt and have been asked to write a review of it. It is officially the 'Bernabeu' jersey black and white but it's pure Toon to me and you.

First off the shirt is a dead ringer for a classic Toon shirt and is defo my first choice of any shirt, never mind the black and white, for my 5 a side/Sunday league team. The shirt is quality. None of this cheap, fake looking tripe you get when you rock up for a kick about with your mates from work. All it's missing is the club badge itself and it will win hands down over the '98 disgrace which even Freddie claimed to be 'cheap'.

Campo developed it from their Azteca shirt, Bernabeu has the additional stylized collar. The difference between the collar and it's period counterparts from the 70's is that it stays up, courtesy of a special striped stand inside the neck. Ala Ginola...not Cantona.

If you need to have the badge on there then you can. They have designed the Stadio range to be customised to your favourite team with a neat little Campo branded pin badge housing on the hem. You can now proudly show off any pin badge you like, safe in the knowledge that you won't damage your shirt...I assume it will be the correct badge you stick on and not some Juventus homage!

Seriously despite the sales talk this shirt is class. Campo were great enough to send me one for free just to review it and I'm not lying when I say it is quality. It fits any season, any era, I love it.

I've stuck a link to the shirt below for you to have a gander. You will never need to buy another shirt ever again, or should that be every season for £40, as the design of it is pure black and white stripes. Unmistakable. I'm gonna be wearing mine for a very long time. Perfect next time I go for a kick about...or maybe just a pint instead. Click below

Campo Retro Bernabeu 'NUFC' Shirt

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Pardew To Recieve 10 Game Ban And Sit Out The Season

Unbelievable scenes down at the KC Stadium on Saturday as Newcastle ran out easy 4-1 winners however this fantastic result was totally overshadowed by Alan Pardew being sent off for an apparent headbutt of a Hull City player. Now those are words I never thought I would be writing. Newcastle manager headbutts a player...what?!

The FA will no doubt make an example of Pardew which will most likely be a 10 game ban minimum, basically the rest of the season, for this ridiculous incident not the least for being involved in touchline incidents in the past. He pushed a linesman for not giving a throw in last season and he was caught on camera shouting "you old ****" at Man City boss Pelegrinni a few weeks ago. This latest incident tops the lot however as a Premier League manager throwing a headbutt at an opposition player during a game is beyond unacceptable. It's shameful.

What on earth goes on in Pardews head sometimes is beyond me and that is just his managerial decisions or his baffling media quotes. I never thought he would stoop as low as fancying himself that much to throw a headbutt at a player just because he pushed him out the way as he retrieved the ball on the sidelines. I knew Pardew was a an arrogant tw@ but this is astounding. What has turned my stomach even more is his attitude towards the whole thing afterwards.

He immediately came out onto Sky Sports and did an interview to explain what he had done. Sickeningly he tried to typically make light of the situation and actually make a joke about it. "I won't be standing on the touch line any more that's for sure" he smirkingly came out with. Yes Alan, you don't know how right you may be...

After he pushed a linesman last season he expressed himself in the exact same fashion with underlying arrogance as he made total light of the fact he placed his hands on an official and physically pushed him as he carried out his work. He got away with that one cheaply but he certainly won't be getting away with this one as lightly. The FA are expected to throw the book at Pardew big time and I for one hope they do. Big time. The action by NUFC on this makes me ashamed. Formal warning...are you having a laugh?!

This latest incident may seem like a joke to some fans but Newcastle Utd Football Club will be making headlines across the world for all the wrong reasons over this. Managers headbutting players is a thing of make believe, not reality. Ive seen managers kick each other on the sidelines or give one of there own players a little slap in the dug out in places like Italy but for a manager to physically attempt to attack an opposition player with a headbutt, especially in the Premier League, is beyond belief.

Once again our Football club is a laughing stocking in the footballing world and I never thought it would be because of something like this. I thought I had seen it all with our own players fighting on the pitch with Dyer & Bowyer plus the endless shambles Mike Ashley has been responsible for but this latest embarrassment is very hard to take in. Pardew himself has caused me to choke on my cornflakes once before in the past as casually had motd 2 on one Sunday evening, as described Michael Essien of 'raping a player' with a strong challenge.

For me the FA will most likely give Pardew a 10 game ban which is basically a ban until the end of the season. In my wildest dreams I was hoping Ashley would relieve Pardew of his duties for gross misconduct which would avoid having to pay him a massive amount of money for merely sacking him. But no, a fine and a warning is all he got. Pardew has no class whatsoever and neither does Ashley. What does Pardew have to do to get the sack then?? Kill somebody?!

The FA should rightfully come down hard on our shameful manager. Assaulting a player and still carrying on his role can surely not look good for them and more importantly, will definitely not look good for our club. Newcastle acting so quickly has pretty much stopped any chance of the
FA giving our club decision makers an ultimatum in sacking Pardew which is probably the whole reason behind it. Crafty buggers our lot.

We won't be able to shift this cockney nutter it seems no matter what he does. Ruin the team, drag the club down or assault somebody. Do what you want Al...you can not be sacked.

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Sacked Michael Laudrup Lined Up For Newcastle Utd Hot Seat

Michael Laudrup has just been sacked as Swansea manager. Shocker I know. From winning a major trophy for the Welsh team, from Swansea having fears he would leave them in the summer for a bigger club, to now actually sacking him. They have been on a shocking run since the League Cup win but a club like Swansea don't sack a manager like Laudrup. They're mad. They were lucky to have him.

The next club who appoint him will also be lucky and Newcastle Utd should be first in line. If Mike Ashley has any sense whatsoever in that fat head of his he will finally get rid of the insufferable immovable object in Pardew and bring in one the most highly rated young managers in the game. There is no reason not to. Whatever it will cost to sack Pards, the club will save on not having to pay any compensation as Laudrup is obviously available for nowt. So cost can not come into it.

Even if it did, we have just made £20 million from selling our best player and haven't bothered to replace him so I don't really give a flying ****. Send Pardew back down to London and get Michael Laudrup in. He will give what this football club is crying out for. Ambition and talent with a playing style we we can all get on board with. The choice of Pardew's cowardly lump it up to Shola, to Laudrup's courageous let's get it down and pass it around is a non contest.

If we do not take advantage of this amazing unexpected opportunity I will be sick to my stomach. One major stumbling block for any potential manager coming in was working under the ultimate director of f***all in Joe Kinnear, so seeing as that useless lump has shifted off by his own accord, the timing of this Laudrup sacking couldn't be better. Get yourself some balls Ashley and make a decision that would be popular with the masses and not just with your little cockney clique.

Get Pardew out. Get Laudrup in. There is no compensation to pay. There is no Joe Kinnear or any DOF above him to undermine his position. I can't see Laudrup turning down a club like ours at this stage of his career, especially after being sacked at Swansea. He has half a season to do what he wants and mould the team in his own image without any fears of going down. He can work out who the deadwood is to get rid of and target who to bring in. Him and Graham Carr could be a Dream Team given the signings he has made. Michu for £2 million?...that's a Graham Carr special.

Do the right thing Ashley. You can't be completely useless....can you??!!


Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Monday, 5 August 2013

Official: Loic Remy Is A Newcastle Player...6 months Later!

So 6 months after agreeing a fee with with Marseille, Loic Remy has passed his medical and is a Newcastle Utd player...those London passport checks take a hell of a long time. Of course Remy has spent that time either playing for the worst team in the league at the time or sitting in the treatment room, all for the sake of £80k a week. Now he will be at the club he should have always signed for back in January (if he had any sense) and hopefully just walks past the treatment room door without ever walking in.

He is on loan with a fee in the region of £2 million quid going towards his London hijackers. Now seeing as the fee we agreed to pay for him in January was £8 million and given his blatant injury history this deal has turned out for the best for us after all. QPR are in the Championship £6 million (plus big wages) worse off and we are getting him £6 million cheaper. If he is useless, send him back next year. If he is always injured, then leave him for QPR do deal with and keep up his massive earnings.

Hopefully Loic Remy will turn out to be class (plus injury free) and we have ourselves a hitman capable of banging them in for fun to then sign him permanently come next season. A fee of which is supposed to be agreed of around what QPR paid for him in January. This loan deal of 'try before you buy' sits well with me. We have a gut wrenching history of permanently signing overpaid big time charlies and being unable to shift them from our wage bill.

This signing is Joe Kinnear's first and hopefully not the last this summer. It boosts our shockingly light attacking threat and on the face of it gives our forward line a nice balance. If we are to play with a 3 pronged attack, then Remy on the left, Cisse down the middle and Benny on the right is a force to be reckoned with for any Premier League defence. Hopefully we have another option at least in the CF role in the face of Bafetimbi Gomis, or on a lesser note Darren Bent.

Papiss Cisse just isn't reliable enough to hang your hat on as your out and out centre forward for a whole
season. He loves the spectacular but also blatantly standing offside in good positions unnecessarily. Obviously Remy can also play down the middle with Gouffran playing down the left but a new shiny centre forward is still needed in my eyes. Gomis would be perfect. Why we didn't at least try to sign him in January on a pre-contract for free or 'do a Sissoko' and get him on the cheap was beyond me at the time...now we're offering £7-£8 million it's even more beyond my logic.

Nevertheless Loic Remy is 'over the line' and the sooner he is joined by someone else the better. Gossip of some of our bigger players leaving our club have gone stone cold, so if we add one or two more, we have a decent enough team to at least threaten to do something special. A domestic cup challenge would be nice and a run for Europe again is always a good thing...but let's not actually qualify though eh Pardew? It's nothing but a crippling season destroyer!

Our team of French speakers continues to grow. If Gomis does join Remy at Le Toon then it may be worth Joe Kinnear signing an interpreter for Alan Pardew (and one for himself might also be an idea), who knows, he might turn into the next Mourinho...even Sir Bobby's touch can help turn an interpreter into the world's greatest manager. What a legend.

Welcome Mr Remy to the French Revolution. If you get off to a good start and stay away from the treatment table then the fact you turned us down to join up with premier scumbag 'Arry Redknapp, seemingly for the money, then it may be forgotten or just remembered as something to look back on to laugh at. If not, this deal might not be as pretty as it seems right now.

So that's one in...who's next Joe?!

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Monday, 1 July 2013


So we're selling James Perch?!........................................................................................................................................................................................................................

For a mighty£700k?!.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................

And he's going down into the Championship?!..............................................................................................................................................................................................................