Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Actual Jonas Gutierrez Interview on Argentinian TV - Fully Translated

There are lots and lots of very worrying quotes coming out on the web and now in the national press about poor Jonas Gutierrez cancer battle and how he 'said' the club told him to leave.

First of all I wish Jonas a quick and full recovery from this disease. As regards to the translated quotes, the record needs to be set straight for all concerned. The interview released by TyC Sports is on the below link and having an Argentinian girlfriend, I got her on the case to translate every word.

Surprisingly Jonas does not even mention Newcastle or Pardew's name once. These quotes that are circling in the national press are certainly not apart of the official interview released so I am very skeptical to say the least. Whether he said something off camera that has been blown out of proportion is probably the most likely turn of events in this case. My girlfriend assures me the Argentinean press love a 'story' whether true or not. If he did say something about the club telling him to leave, then TyC Sports would certainly keep it within the below recorded interview. Why wouldn't they?


We should not lose sight of the fact that the most important thing is that Jonas makes a full recovery from his cancer battle and I am devastated, as is the missus @FlorCamin (she loves Jonas), however I cant just sit back and watch Newcastle Utd name be dragged through the mud with something as serious as this. This isn't some footballing drama, this is serious and much more important than football. Jonas left our club for a season last year due to the club not wanting to activate a contract extension clause, we all know that. I have no reason to believe any thing else on why he hasn't played for us since.

Until I hear/see/read an actual quote from Jonas saying what the press have jumped all over I blatantly refuse to believe it. The interview released shows Jonas going into how he has cancer, how losing his hair is tough, who he first told (Gabriel Heinze ex Man Utd, Ezequiel Lavezzi & Captain Colo - obviously) and when asked about whether he will have any kids in the future he makes a joke about only having one testicle and having faith in it. The interview is in good spirits and is really nice to see Jonas being positive and making jokes. Like I said, NUFC never mentioned.

I wish Jonas a speedy recovery and hope he puts the record well and truly straight on this by clarifying the situation regarding him 'leaving' the club to join Norwich on loan last season. From a footballing point of view he left due to Newcastle not wanting to activate a clause in his contract which would trigger an automatic 2 year extension if he were to play one more game. This as far as I am concerned is true and having cancer, as horrendous as it is, would not change matters unfortunately. Whether you agree with this or not is another matter.

Football aside, get better Jonas. You have most likely kicked your last ball for Newcastle and I hope you have a good life and are welcome back as a half time hero any day. As for a baby Jonas, we all have faith in your remaining testicle!

#GetWellSoonJonas

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Ashley Is The Contamination That Has Grown The Cancer Of Alan Pardew

Its the day after the closing of the summer transfer window of 2014 and yet again Newcastle United fans are left feeling angry, sad, worried, confused, sickened and just down right disillusioned. The overall feeling from most fans is that of a very simple question, 'Why?'

Why have we not signed a centre forward we can look to rely on to get us the goals this team desperately
needs? Why have we not signed a centre back to improve the quality to prevent shambolic defending like we saw against Crystal Palace on Saturday? Why, in failing on both of these aspects of bringing much needed players in, have we allowed potentially key players that could possibly have helped solve our issues to leave on loan in the shape of Mbiwa and fan favourite Ben Arfa? Why? Why? Why?

The question has no logical answer, not in footballing terms anyway, which is why we never receive one. We don't even receive a possible explanation we could understand and be comfortable with to put our anger, worries and disillusion at bay. All we get is some tripe from Pardew which has been drafted up by the club involving excuses and propaganda. When will it end? Well the answer to that question leads to another one which nobody on the face of the Earth can possibly answer.

The only way this continuous middle finger up at the fans will end is when Mike Ashley leaves our football club and is never seen within our beloved St James' Park ever again as he relinquishes his ownership. This will only be possible in three ways a) someone buys him out, b) he signs over all control over to someone else or c) he dies. I will let you decide which one is the most likely. Now the question I have on my mind constantly regarding this troll of a human being is the following: Why is Mike Ashley even the owner of NUFC, what does he actually get out of it?

This question seems impossible to answer. The only reason someone should own a football club is that they receive some kind of joy out of it. What joy does Mike Ashley get out of it? He seems totally uninterested in improving the team to make it challenge for trophies or get into the Champions League. He obviously knows the better the team is the more money it will make in revenue so why does he insist on not doing it? Does he genuinely believe selling our best player then spending that money on a few replacements is a recipe for success? Which club is he using as his blue print? Arsenal? The club which went 9 years without a trophy despite having all aspects ever needed in which to do so.

Using Arsenal as some kind of example is a cop-out as we are talking about a football club that spent money
just as much as the rest of us right up until they went a whole season unbeaten and looked the power house club in English football. Since then they have looked nothing of the sort due to one blatantly obvious reason, they chose to not invest in the team and focused purely on balancing the books. Are Arsenal fans delighted they have a cracking balance sheet to speak of over the past decade whilst watching Liverpool, Man Utd and Chelsea all win the Champions League? Plus witness the emergence of Man City. A football club in fact that has 'stolen' plenty of very important players from Arsenal either directly by buying there players or indirectly signing players Arsenal may have looked to have signed themselves.

The answer to whether Arsenal fans have been happy is a blatant no. The reason being no football fan wants to witness their football club not just fail to reach its potential but seem content at the fact of doing so by having alternative agendas. Arsenal should no doubt have built on a team that went a whole season unbeaten and a reaching a Champions League final a year later, their blueprint of how to run a football club is blatantly flawed and is used a complete cop-out for any tight fisted, clueless owner. Exhibit A being our very own Mike Ashley.

Our club is self sufficient Ashley and his administration will tell us. So? What does that even mean? Are they telling is our football club now runs on a yearly basis of no longer losing money and its income is higher than its outlay? Well fantastic. So does that mean we are no longer in debt? Well judging by the fact the football club still has a debt of around £250 million in the shape of a loan to Mike Ashley then the answer is a big fat no! Anyone who still thinks Ashley 'bought' this club are very much mistaken. He acquired this club by purchasing the shares required to takeover than stuck all of that capital into a his holding company as a huge debt against the club. This totaled to a debt £132 million. A controlled debt, but a debt all the same.

He also pumped another huge loan into our football club after we were relegated of £110 million to basically pay for his crippling mistakes on the pitch which resulted in the football club losing millions in Premier League status as a company. The only positive aspect Mike Ashley has ever brought to this football club is the fact he has stopped the huge interest payments we were forking out to the bank for the debt our previous board of directors racked up chasing the Champion League dream. To put it in simplest terms possible, the club now owes Mike Ashley millions for saving us.

Now controlling our debt as a football club is very good indeed. Now taking a football club forward in order to clear this debt or indeed make money for yourself as the owner must surely be his motivation. This would be logical would it not? If he has lost this motivation then putting the club up for sale to move on with your life would be the only alternate action. Mike Ashley is neither. Which I find very very strange indeed. The BBC showed Mike Ashley sat in his seat on Match Of The Day on Saturday against Crystal Palace whilst we were 3-2 up in injury time, the look on his face was not of an owner pleased with his club seconds away from a victory. It was one as dull and bored as someone not interested at all at what is happening on the pitch and can't wait for the game to finish so he can leave and so something more entertaining.

All of this goes back to ultimate question of 'Why is Mike Ashley the owner of Newcastle Utd, what does he get out of it?'. From the looks of it in all aspects. Absolutely nothing. So why don't you just stick the club on the market or if you can't find anyone, at least look to employ people who would get something out of it and who would have the football clubs best interests at heart. Which is primarily the football team on the pitch followed by keeping the books manageable. It isn't rocket science, its just football. A very simple game when you have common sense and some knowledge of the game to go with it.

If you were to ask every single Newcastle Utd fan in the world whether Alan Pardew was the right man to be manager of the club there is no doubt how the results would pan out. A resounding 'no' would ring around St James Park. So why is he still here? How can any manager survive what he has been responsible for over the past few years? Only a manager who has an owner completely uninterested in the actual team could possibly survived such disgraces. Lets look at a few sackable offences for any Newcastle Manager:

Losing at home to the mackems two season in a row 3-0 and three games in a row in total for the first time since 1924.
Losing 6 league games in a row.
Never reaching past the 4th round of the FA Cup in 4 attempts and counting including 3 third round knockouts to lower league opposition.
Being charged by the FA for headbutting an opposition player (as well as two other charges for pushing a linesman and abusing a fellow manager to add to this)
Finishing 5th from bottom with a team aiming for Champions League qualification.
In three and a half seasons finishing 12th, 5th, 16th and 10th.
Playing negative, defensive, game choking tactics and sometimes showing actual strategy whatsoever.
Being unable to score from a corner for two years. Two years with no goal from a corner. Just think about that. It's seems almost impossible.
Holding the record for most games without scoring in our history. Newcastle have also failed to score in 66% of their games this calendar year of 2014 which is easily the lowest of any of the 92 clubs.
Pardew has a record of failing to win at home for over 50% of his games. Over 50%!! Scary.

You can also add to this constant lies, excuses and nonsense consistently issued to the fans via the press for
4 very long years. Looking at the above sackable offences we have had manager be sacked themselves for less in the Premier League and most were actually deserved. Ruud Gullit got beat at home to the mackems just once and throw in the fact the clubs poor season beforehand and our best player in Shearer being made a scapegoat, he got the chop. Pardew has lost two of these fixtures back to back and has already got rid of Ben Arfa as his scapegoat, who would bet against another mackem defeat this season?

Kenny Dalglish and Graeme Souness finished 13th and 14th respectively in there first full seasons, Pardew finishing 5th in his blows them away. However finishing 16th afterwards is the worst finish any manager has had in the Premier League, disregarding our merry go round relegation season, and is no doubt worthy of him being sacked for this dire attempt of a season. Europa League progression to the Qtr Finals used an excuse does not sit well especially having no domestic cup run to speak of.

The football Pardew chooses to play also does not go down well at our football club either. To have a scouting team bring in some the most talented players we have seen at this football club to be strangled by a naive negative manager is a depressing site to say the least. Sam Allardyce got the sack for attempting this non-football philosophy but at least he didn't have players like Ben Arfa and Cabaye at his disposal. Pardew has consistently wasted all of our scouting networks monumental efforts which is perhaps the biggest reason of them all why he deserves to be sacked. To be a poor team is one thing, but to be one with class players in the squad is unacceptable. For ANY team.

The manager who is killing our club year after year and holding it back massively can not be removed from
his position. This is a cancer that can not be cured. The only way to get this club to reach it's true potential is to remove the contamination that has created and kept this cancer rooted into the heart of our club. Mike Ashley needs to go which will form a domino affect of having managers like Alan Pardew hopefully never return for a long while to come. The administration Ashley insists on employing are again a massive dead weight on us all as having 'ambitions' and 'targets' of such mediocre standards of top ten in the league and NO interest in domestic cup competitions is nothing but handcuffs to keep our club down.

This transfer window has shown that Newcastle United have dropped so dramatically within the footballing world that not only has our most beloved player signed for Hull City, that's HULL, but top players are choosing to sign for Southampton rather than us. Toby Alderweireld was desperately needed to help plug our defensive frailties, however he would much rather play on the south coast for a team that were in League One a few years ago. A team no less that sacked a certain Alan Pardew. Now look at how much that club has grown and reached it's full potential since getting rid of his negative influence. May that be the most poignant fact of them all!!

Ashley has to be ousted for our club to move forward. He is the source to the problem and it has to be killed. As long as he is here I will continue to ask the question of 'Why is Ashley still here?' can someone ask him please because none of us have a clue!

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano



Tuesday, 15 July 2014

DONE DEALS: Emmanuel Rivière to Newcastle for €8m, Janmaat Passes Medical

It has been confirmed from very credible source Get French Football (@GFN_France on Twitter) that the deal for Monaco striker Emmanuel Riviere has been agreed and he is on his way to St James Park for a fee of €8million. He follows in the footsteps of Feyenoord full back Daryl Janmaat who has this evening passed his medical after NUFC paid £5million for his services.

Finally after waiting what seems like a lifetime Newcastle Utd are not only spending money in the summer
transfer window but they are doing it early giving the new signings a full preseason as well as a longer time getting to know there new surroundings and team mates before the live on Sky Super Sunday match against champions Man City get's under way.

Maybe some common sense and logic has finally landed at St James' after years of baffling transfer activity which has done nothing but harm the club rather than help it. 5 players 'over the line' now with Riviere to come shortly is fantastic work from the club and gives Newcastle fans something to shout about and look forward to next season. We have already seen Siem De Jong smash one in the top corner on his debut and the new season can't come quickly enough.

Well....not until a few more are through the door first!

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano 

Thursday, 3 July 2014

Micah Richards To Join Newcastle, As Debuchy Set For Arsenal Move

It's pretty much guaranteed now that Matheiu Debuchy will follow his best mate Yohan Cabaye out the NUFC door as he is all set to join Arsenal as Bacary Sagna's replacement. When the French full back signs for the North London club, the man he replaces will push out another right back from his new club Man City in the shape of forgotten man Micah Richards. If the men in charge of transfer dealings at our club have any brains about them we will move heaven and earth to make Richards our next right back for the next few years.

This merry go round of Premier League right backs seems totally logical and meets all parties involved
perfectly. Sagna gets to win the trophies he craves, Debuchy gets to the Champions League football he 'misses' and Micah Richards will gain much needed guaranteed first team football at a big Premier League club. The only thing that could throw this three pronged transfer movement into jeapordy would be the misguided logic of one Mike Ashley.

I am sure he will have his price for Debuchy and unless he demands a ridiculous amount of money he should get it, however even if he does, this still doesn't stop him being the tight fisted low life we all know he is when we go in for Richards. Man City can't possibly require a big fee seeing as he is totally surplus to requirements however if this is above what Ashley wants to pay then it can still throw a spanner in the works. You just need to look at how we got Debuchy in to see what he is capable of.

Instead of meeting Debuchy's valuation in the summer of 2012 he decided to wait until January as his price dropped to that of an acceptable amount for Ashley to part with. This of course may seem logical but seeing as we had to make do with Danny Simpson for half of the season, who eventually left for nothing, in which our Premier League campaign was a total write this strategy did not pay off beyond any stretch of the imagination. Saving a few million is not always the answer in the bigger picture.

The other and most likely issue would be Richards wages. He is on top dollar at Citeh, as you would imagine, so will have to take a significant pay cut to join us. Whether he is willing to do this in general terms you would like to think so, whether he would do it for the sake of joining our mob is another question. For me he won't get a much better offer than to make the right back spot his own at St James Park as any 'bigger' club will no doubt have a hot competition for places. Moving abroad wouldn't suit his style in my eyes either so we are a good place to go being where he is in his career right now.

Plus his desires at becoming a recognised centre back could be the key to the deal as we could offer him that, perhaps not straight away, but definitely in the future. I can't see any of the big boys a) buying him then b) playing him in the heart of their defence. Where as we will need a replacement for Colo one day sooner rather than later and he could finally reach his potential he showed not just for City but for England also. You couldn't think about taking him out of the England team, albeit at right back, a few years ago. He still has his best years ahead of him.

Debuchy out looks a certainty after the World Cup and I can't say I am remotely bothered by this whatsoever. I have never seen such a petulant player in the black and white for a long time. He has to foul people to make it look like he is doing something, he just can't help himself. The thought of winning the ball back fairly if he loses it just isn't in his brain. Foul, kick and sometime blatantly abuse are the only things in his head when it easily flips. Whether this is in the penalty area or not also seems totally void of his logic. His very short time on Tyneside won't exactly be fondly remembered for years to come.

To be honest Arsenal are welcome to him. If this is through making a profit in the process, at least doubling our money, then where do we sign? Out of three clubs i've got to say that Newcastle would be the winners out of the situation as after watching Debuchy for a year or so and Sagna over the past few years, I can't say they blow me away. Richards is younger and has the potential to improve in the future, where the other two are nearing the latter stages of their career.

Debuchy out, Richards In. Deal.

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Amazing Free Transfer XI Available To Tight Mike Ashley This Summer

There have been players released from all 20 Premier League clubs from last season and it makes interesting reading to say the least. Below is a possible XI you could have if you were to not spend a penny in transfers and sell off your current team to pay for all signing on and agent fees. Now I admit this team would be a) Old and b) High in wages. However we don't spend any money and we have made shed loads from last season.

Would this NUFC squad made up of free transfers get us to the top 10 finish 'target' next season?

Costel Pantilimon

Liam Ridgewell
Rio Ferdinand
Joleon Lescott
Ashley Cole

Gareth Barry
Frank Lampard
Steve Sidwell

Samuel Etoo
Shola Ameobi (Get him back)
Demba Ba

Subs: Mark Schwarzer, Jon Arne Riise, Mahamoud Diarra, Matthew Etherington, Joe Cole, Nathan Delfuenso, Nicklas Bendtner

Manager: Michael Laudrup

This is a squad (and manager) that could all be brought in for a transfer fee of zero and be lined up for the first game of next season. Judging by the diabolical end to last season, if Ashley wants a fire sale he could do.

Follow on Twitter @ToonBano

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

New Newcastle Kit For Any Season, Any Era, CampoRetro Bernabeu

Campo Retro Bernabeu 'NUFC' Shirt

Calling all Toon Fans and budding footballers. I've recently got my hands on the Campo retro 'Newcastle Style' football shirt and have been asked to write a review of it. It is officially the 'Bernabeu' jersey black and white but it's pure Toon to me and you.

First off the shirt is a dead ringer for a classic Toon shirt and is defo my first choice of any shirt, never mind the black and white, for my 5 a side/Sunday league team. The shirt is quality. None of this cheap, fake looking tripe you get when you rock up for a kick about with your mates from work. All it's missing is the club badge itself and it will win hands down over the '98 disgrace which even Freddie claimed to be 'cheap'.

Campo developed it from their Azteca shirt, Bernabeu has the additional stylized collar. The difference between the collar and it's period counterparts from the 70's is that it stays up, courtesy of a special striped stand inside the neck. Ala Ginola...not Cantona.

If you need to have the badge on there then you can. They have designed the Stadio range to be customised to your favourite team with a neat little Campo branded pin badge housing on the hem. You can now proudly show off any pin badge you like, safe in the knowledge that you won't damage your shirt...I assume it will be the correct badge you stick on and not some Juventus homage!

Seriously despite the sales talk this shirt is class. Campo were great enough to send me one for free just to review it and I'm not lying when I say it is quality. It fits any season, any era, I love it.

I've stuck a link to the shirt below for you to have a gander. You will never need to buy another shirt ever again, or should that be every season for £40, as the design of it is pure black and white stripes. Unmistakable. I'm gonna be wearing mine for a very long time. Perfect next time I go for a kick about...or maybe just a pint instead. Click below

Campo Retro Bernabeu 'NUFC' Shirt









Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Pardew To Recieve 10 Game Ban And Sit Out The Season

Unbelievable scenes down at the KC Stadium on Saturday as Newcastle ran out easy 4-1 winners however this fantastic result was totally overshadowed by Alan Pardew being sent off for an apparent headbutt of a Hull City player. Now those are words I never thought I would be writing. Newcastle manager headbutts a player...what?!

The FA will no doubt make an example of Pardew which will most likely be a 10 game ban minimum, basically the rest of the season, for this ridiculous incident not the least for being involved in touchline incidents in the past. He pushed a linesman for not giving a throw in last season and he was caught on camera shouting "you old ****" at Man City boss Pelegrinni a few weeks ago. This latest incident tops the lot however as a Premier League manager throwing a headbutt at an opposition player during a game is beyond unacceptable. It's shameful.

What on earth goes on in Pardews head sometimes is beyond me and that is just his managerial decisions or his baffling media quotes. I never thought he would stoop as low as fancying himself that much to throw a headbutt at a player just because he pushed him out the way as he retrieved the ball on the sidelines. I knew Pardew was a an arrogant tw@ but this is astounding. What has turned my stomach even more is his attitude towards the whole thing afterwards.

He immediately came out onto Sky Sports and did an interview to explain what he had done. Sickeningly he tried to typically make light of the situation and actually make a joke about it. "I won't be standing on the touch line any more that's for sure" he smirkingly came out with. Yes Alan, you don't know how right you may be...

After he pushed a linesman last season he expressed himself in the exact same fashion with underlying arrogance as he made total light of the fact he placed his hands on an official and physically pushed him as he carried out his work. He got away with that one cheaply but he certainly won't be getting away with this one as lightly. The FA are expected to throw the book at Pardew big time and I for one hope they do. Big time. The action by NUFC on this makes me ashamed. Formal warning...are you having a laugh?!

This latest incident may seem like a joke to some fans but Newcastle Utd Football Club will be making headlines across the world for all the wrong reasons over this. Managers headbutting players is a thing of make believe, not reality. Ive seen managers kick each other on the sidelines or give one of there own players a little slap in the dug out in places like Italy but for a manager to physically attempt to attack an opposition player with a headbutt, especially in the Premier League, is beyond belief.

Once again our Football club is a laughing stocking in the footballing world and I never thought it would be because of something like this. I thought I had seen it all with our own players fighting on the pitch with Dyer & Bowyer plus the endless shambles Mike Ashley has been responsible for but this latest embarrassment is very hard to take in. Pardew himself has caused me to choke on my cornflakes once before in the past as casually had motd 2 on one Sunday evening, as described Michael Essien of 'raping a player' with a strong challenge.

For me the FA will most likely give Pardew a 10 game ban which is basically a ban until the end of the season. In my wildest dreams I was hoping Ashley would relieve Pardew of his duties for gross misconduct which would avoid having to pay him a massive amount of money for merely sacking him. But no, a fine and a warning is all he got. Pardew has no class whatsoever and neither does Ashley. What does Pardew have to do to get the sack then?? Kill somebody?!

The FA should rightfully come down hard on our shameful manager. Assaulting a player and still carrying on his role can surely not look good for them and more importantly, will definitely not look good for our club. Newcastle acting so quickly has pretty much stopped any chance of the
FA giving our club decision makers an ultimatum in sacking Pardew which is probably the whole reason behind it. Crafty buggers our lot.

We won't be able to shift this cockney nutter it seems no matter what he does. Ruin the team, drag the club down or assault somebody. Do what you want Al...you can not be sacked.

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Sacked Michael Laudrup Lined Up For Newcastle Utd Hot Seat

Michael Laudrup has just been sacked as Swansea manager. Shocker I know. From winning a major trophy for the Welsh team, from Swansea having fears he would leave them in the summer for a bigger club, to now actually sacking him. They have been on a shocking run since the League Cup win but a club like Swansea don't sack a manager like Laudrup. They're mad. They were lucky to have him.

The next club who appoint him will also be lucky and Newcastle Utd should be first in line. If Mike Ashley has any sense whatsoever in that fat head of his he will finally get rid of the insufferable immovable object in Pardew and bring in one the most highly rated young managers in the game. There is no reason not to. Whatever it will cost to sack Pards, the club will save on not having to pay any compensation as Laudrup is obviously available for nowt. So cost can not come into it.

Even if it did, we have just made £20 million from selling our best player and haven't bothered to replace him so I don't really give a flying ****. Send Pardew back down to London and get Michael Laudrup in. He will give what this football club is crying out for. Ambition and talent with a playing style we we can all get on board with. The choice of Pardew's cowardly lump it up to Shola, to Laudrup's courageous let's get it down and pass it around is a non contest.

If we do not take advantage of this amazing unexpected opportunity I will be sick to my stomach. One major stumbling block for any potential manager coming in was working under the ultimate director of f***all in Joe Kinnear, so seeing as that useless lump has shifted off by his own accord, the timing of this Laudrup sacking couldn't be better. Get yourself some balls Ashley and make a decision that would be popular with the masses and not just with your little cockney clique.

Get Pardew out. Get Laudrup in. There is no compensation to pay. There is no Joe Kinnear or any DOF above him to undermine his position. I can't see Laudrup turning down a club like ours at this stage of his career, especially after being sacked at Swansea. He has half a season to do what he wants and mould the team in his own image without any fears of going down. He can work out who the deadwood is to get rid of and target who to bring in. Him and Graham Carr could be a Dream Team given the signings he has made. Michu for £2 million?...that's a Graham Carr special.

Do the right thing Ashley. You can't be completely useless....can you??!!

#LaudrupToNewcastle

Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano