Being a daily reader of Football365.com, one of their articles they have going today is about the TV show Being:Liverpool and how boring it was. It was a bit dull to be fair. What was all the slow motion and dramatic narration from Clive Owen over a throw in...? They offer a top ten of 'alternative tv shows' for the world of football. Which is here: F365-s-Top-Ten-Alternatives-To-Being-Liverpool (If you haven't clicked this link to see what I am on about then the rest of this won't make any sense probably.)
Now we are all aware of a certain TV show set in Newcastle which brings nothing but embarrassment to our city and some of it's people. So here are my 'Alternative Football TV Shows' for our fine city and football club in the spirit of Being:Liverpool and possibly replacing Geordie Shore:
Ash In The Attic: Mike Ashley sells off every piece of cheap junk he can possibly find in his attic, in his garage or behind his sofa as he desperately tries to raise funds to buy new players for his football club, without having to resort to using his own cheque book. Presented by Ant 'n' Dec.
Ash In The Attic: Geordie girl Cheryl Cole shows us the things in her attic she got off Ashley Cole from the divorce to sell of to auction. His many medals, England caps, his little black book, his air rifle, penis pump, sex toys, years worth of condoms, boxes of unsold copies of his autobiography and many more hidden treasures. Presented by Donna Air.
T.I.O.T.E: Time Is Of The Essence: A '24' type tense thriller starring Cheik Tiote. The force of nature has 24 hours to play a game, get his haircut just right and save the world from nuclear destruction. All in a days work for the Newcastle number 24 (nice link).
Bigi Smalls: Gael Bigirimana embarks on a new career as a gangsta rapper. BBC Three looks into the players past as a refugee, his rise to the Premier League and hopefully to the top of the charts. Sucka.
The Simpsons: A satrical sitcom starring Danny Simpson and his dysfunctional family. A laugh a minute comedy has him as a part time defence lawyer who is at the butt of most things in which he shows a complete lack of ability to defend himself, never mind his paying client. No matter how hard he tries, he just can't defend.
Krul Intentions: This TV movie sees Tim Krul make a bet with his step-sister that he could bed every single member of Geordie Shore over just one weekend. If he loses, she gets his Jaguar. If he wins, he'll get chlamydia.
Jonas: This disturbing 'Saw' like horror sees Jonas Gutierrez join the Jonas Brothers Disney Channel TV show as their long lost cousin. Things soon turn ugly as they discover he is nothing but a fraud and carries out his intent of violently murdering one brother at a time. Each one more graphically disgusting than the last. Not for children. Certificate 18.
Band Of Ameobi Brothers: This fly-on-the-wall documentary follows brothers Shola and Sammy Ameobi start a 'Robson and Jerome' type band duo - SAS (Shola and Sammy). They travel the length and breadth of the country in there black and white van getting into adventures and solving mysteries. They end every show with a show stopping gig in the pubs and clubs. "Oooooh myyy loooovvee..."
The Lone Ranger: This sad show depicts the demise of the main character, Nile Ranger. He is a loser and a total waste of space. He ends up in court on several occasions and refuses to learn from his mistakes. He eventually completes his path of self destruction as he loses his employer, is kicked out of his home, gets beaten mercifully by drunken tramps and is left for dead. How will this lone ranger go on...? Does anyone really give a ****...?
If you have any more add them into the comments box. Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano