Mike Ashley - The Cookie Monster?!

I dont care what Derek Llambias says, this 8 year deal for Pardew is still madness.

Derek Llambias has come out today and says, "You can't keep changing your manager because you have a bad run" Well, then dont....!!? Also, aren't you the man who had seen over the managerial merry-go-round of Keegan, Kinnear, Shearer, Hughton and now Pardew in as little as 2 years? Thought as much.

The only explanation I can think of as to why they have made Alan Pardew the only unsackable manager currently working in the world of football, is that they have stopped themselves from sacking him. It's almost like they have tied him down into this unsackable situation to stop themselves doing what they do best and making a ridiculous decision they will go on to regret. It's like they accept that they are pretty stupid at times and are capable of making ridiculous decisions that could cripple this football club...so lets just take those decisions away. You have to admire their honesty at least.

They have basically padlocked the cookie jar and thrown away the key, to stop themselves because they are incapable of resisting that sweet, sweet dough. Well the logical thing to do would to not buy the cookies in the first place. If you dont want to sack a manager...then dont!!! It's simple. Alan Pardew had 4 years left on his current deal. 4 years. Leave it as it is for Christ's sake.

What they probably haven't even thought of is what if a biscuit is just what the doctor ordered? What if the queen comes round and she loves a rich tea with her cuppa? Crap, can't get it open. Quick, lets panic into buying a shed load round at Tesco's. Hurry. 
To bring this back into reality for a second, what if Alan Pardew has created a situation that his employment at Newcastle United becomes unworkable? Then what?

"Derek put them in there..."

What if he takes the club below these top 8 expectations? What if he goes on Match Of The Day 2 again and says the word rape whilst grinning like a clever teenager? What if he decides to call the Toon fans a bunch of ****s in a secretly filmed conversation like he did with West Ham fans? That's the point isn't it...What if?

All I hope for is that there are several clauses within this new contract that would give the club a position of strength if any of the above were to occur, with him being relieved of his duties should it need to be done, without forcing the club into an unprecedented pay off. Even by our standards.

Here's hoping that Ashley is as clever as his Sports Direct empire would suggest.

I reckon that's how he lost all that weight. Padlock the cookie jar, the fridge and the pantry door! YOM YOM!

All the best Pardew. I hope you take us forward.

Howay The Lads!

(Comments welcome. Follow me on Twitter @ToonBano)


  1. I thought yesterdays was bad. This is just utter crap.
    Didnt work for the News of the World did you?

  2. How could he get a job at News Of The World? The guys a fat fucking moron, doesn't deserve to support Newcastle.

  3. Haha. I am a lot of things, but I am not fat.